Low of the Day

First I want to thank Jess for introducing me to the High and Low of the day system. Thanks Jess, today I have a low...
Let me right-off-the-bat apologize for being all over the place right now. I am upset and am writing at a sort of stream of consciousness pace.

I emailed Carol (my old riding instructor) and told her my schedule had mellowed and I wanted to come and groom Apache and turn him out if I might. She wrote me back and told me that I better hurry because if Judy can't sell him she is going to "get rid" of him. I don't know what all of that is about and have had a permanent lump in my throat ever since I got that email. I told Wendy about it and really tried not to get upset at work, but once I walked in my door at home I told Tim about it and have been crying ever since. I checked pet finder and craigslist and Wendy checked the ranch website and he is not listed on any of them. I am going to go over there tomorrow and see what is going on. Perhaps a sponsorship opportunity will present itself. I am so upset. I don't really know how to explain the bond that I have with this horse. I feel awful that I haven't seen him in a while and then today all the sudden I tried to schedule something and my entire world came crumbling down upon me. You may remember me a while back (Feb-April posts) mentioning Cane and how he was really old and had a bad leg, well on top of the Apache situation, they had to put Cane down in late July. I feel like I let him and Apache down. I know Cane was sick and it wasn't looking good, so I can sort of let that go a little, but Apache. My sweet teddy bear Apache? You know, I am the only person he didn't buck off while working with him? You know that we used to "talk" to each other. He was always looked at as maybe not as built and svelte as the other horses but he has HEART. I think what we have in common is we are both a little thick around the waist and could stand to loose a few and we may not be the fastest or best looking beings on the block but we have strength that could take down the masses. I got over my fear of horses with Apache (Snickers (the horse, not the candy) helped, but not as much as Apache). I became a horsewoman with Apache. I NEVER thought that this would happen. I mean, if that kid at the ranch wasn't jumping him when he wasn't supposed to be Apache never would have gotten hurt, I wouldn't have stopped riding him and maybe this would have never happened. Poor Apache. I don't know what I am going to do even knowing that he is somewhere else. Can they install low jack on a horse so I know where he is at all times and plant a secret camera so I know he is being cared for? What horse person wouldnt want a horse that is like a giant dog? He is not a money maker, I know, but would be a great cowboys companion (Jess?). I have tp stop know because I have teared all over my keyboard and am getting a little sleepy because I am sad. If anyone knows anyone that is intersted in a sweet male quarterhorse please leave a comment. Maybe someone wants to buy him for me and I will pay the stall fee and take care of him? Again, like always, a girl has GOT to have a dream. If I dont have my dreams life is just a mass of grey.

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